I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
