Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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