Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
