hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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