whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
