Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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