i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
