You just made me feel so damn special
so explain again why im purple
no
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
