sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
