You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
