Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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