I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
