Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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