Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
