The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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