i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
