break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
