So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
