I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I believe in your delicious
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
