I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
