My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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