just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
