How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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