o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's no shave November. This is our time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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