No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
