i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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