Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
