Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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