Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
