you guys were way drunker than both of me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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