its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
