More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
