Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize