Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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