Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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