I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
