She announced her abortion via fbk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
