I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
