at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
