Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
