i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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