obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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