the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
