as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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