I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize