too bad you live with your parents still
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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