Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
