i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How external is "for external use only"?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
