Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
