Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
