Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
