The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
