Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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