i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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