come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
