I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
