well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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