Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
