Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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