My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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