Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize