I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
