Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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