He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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