i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
