just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
