sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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