are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize