"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
