She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
