i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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