so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
